We Are Family

Family Definition

dictionary.search.yahoo.com
n. noun
  1. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
  2. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
  3. All the members of a household under one roof.

So this is the definition of family I found online.  Until recently I always thought it was the only definition but have learned much more.  There are many types of families I’ve begun to recognize…mom, dad, kids; same-sex parents; kids living with grandparents…the list goes on.  My family was not perfect.  I’ve said before I was never fully accepted growing up.  My interests were so far from anyone elses that no one understood me.  I felt so left out most of the time…when I was in choir & dance as a teenager the only person who ever came to my concerts or recitals was my mother…years later I realized that she probably only did so out of obligation & that she felt someone had to be there for me.  It’s one of those things I knew I would never do…anything my son is involved in I am there for and I fully support him in whatever he wants to do.  I did a lot of artwork in high school & college that I got a lot of praise for…my family however was harder to impress.  I think they were proud of me I just got nothing from them really…I think that’s the real reason I stopped because I really felt like no one cared.  Over the years I’ve tried but I just couldn’t get excited about it anymore.

When I first joined Twitter earlier this year it was mainly to follow Norman Reedus and the rest of the Walking Dead cast.   I became part of the #TWDFamily and made a lot of friends.  My interests grew and changed somewhat…I lost & gained followers sometimes depending on what my interests became.  There was drama & jealousy like I’d never imagined.  Most of it so petty & trivial I could never quite understand it.  But there was also true friendship.  I met my best friend ever on Twitter…I’d never met anyone I felt more comfortable talking to and sharing secrets with.  But I even get grief about that because my ex can’t understand it…he thinks the whole thing is silly.  He sees no value in friendships made online with people you can’t see or will probably never meet.  He is also very anti-technology…I think he’d be perfectly happy going back in time 50 years or so living his days without computers, cell phones, etc…  He’s slowly starting to come around but is still uneasy about it…like the possibility I’m conversing with a group of secret serial killers.  Our marriage was already rocky & was starting to fall apart after 24 years.  We just realized finally there was nothing there anymore…problem was I doubt there ever was.  We never had anything in common except really great sex…but that alone cannot make a good marriage.   He was also verbally abusive in the first probably 5-10 years we were together…he slowly realized what he was doing and is very sorry for how he treated me but I think mentally I’ve never fully gotten over it.  I didn’t have a lot of self confidence and he would say things that just shot it down to nothing…a lot of my weight issues sprang from that I am sure.  And what I thought was love I realized never really was there to begin with.  Not sure how we lasted so long but I can say we gave it our best shot.  We still get along though and I’m thankful for that at least.  During that time in July I had met someone else online who showed a lot of interest in me…made me feel beautiful, sexy & special…like I was worth something.  He was much younger but it didn’t matter to either of us…we weren’t looking for a relationship but did talk about meeting and the date was all set.  but over the next month or so his mood shifted and I felt he was losing interest.  I confronted him about it & he denied it but I could just tell it wasn’t going to happen.  Before our planned meeting was to take place I tried talking about it again but he was just too busy for me anymore.  I had no romantic feelings for him but it hurt just the same.  The pain of rejection just came flooding back again.

I saw Matt Farnsworth’s name thrown out during a #FF shout out in August.  Looked him up & thought HOLY SHIT this guy is hot.  Followed him immediately & wondered if he’d follow back…I asked, he followed.  That same night Diane Foster followed me out of the blue…and the next day so did The Orphan Killer.  I was beside myself as I hadn’t even seen the movie yet and barely knew anything about them but I got it on iTunes & watched it that night.  I was totally hooked.  I began tweeting Matt about how much I enjoyed it and found him, Diane & TOK to be very interactive…much more than most other celebs I’ve contacted.  They just drew me in and I’ve never looked back…I even changed my entire Twitter image for them which had several of my old friends freaking out thinking I had dumped Flanery (I used to be known as Flanery’s Favorite).  I had to explain over & over how I hadn’t I’d even told him what I was doing before I did it and he was totally ok.  I still love our Captain & always will.  But this was something so different…like a gravitational pull of epic proportions.  Several other good friends were brought into the fold and we’ve become even closer.  My #TOKFamily has become more important to me sometimes than my real family.  They’ve accepted me, don’t judge me, and have inspired me to pour my heart out with this blog.  I’ve never written anything before all of this.  Didn’t have any idea I could.   Maybe I just needed a new creative outlet and instead of art I found this.  It’s possible I could start that again even…who knows.  But right now I’m here and I’ve never been happier.  I’ve never found a group of people I felt so comfortable talking to & sharing things with.  They are also responsible for bringing me together with the most wonderful man I could have ever imagined.  I remember the day he popped up in our convo…it was just a few days after I followed Matt.   He seemed like such a fun guy and we had a great time talking.  But from the beginning I felt like there was a deeper connection…we started DM’ing regularly then daily.  I was very reluctant to get too close with everything else I’d been through but I just couldn’t stay away from this guy.  He was so sweet & romantic, always knew the right things to say to make me feel better & was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on.  The first time he said he loved me I said it back without hesitation because I just felt it…although I sat back & had to think for a few minutes after.  Was this really love?  He was even younger than the last guy but I couldn’t deny I had very strong feelings for him…I would get giddy just seeing his texts, tweets or DM’s…just hearing his voice was enough to make me grin like an idiot.  He never failed to make me smile no matter what was going on.  I’d heard of true love but now I knew it was true…I had finally found it…and I can’t think of how I survived without it.  I’ve told him things about myself NO ONE else knows…and he was there for me all the way.  He also has his share of bad experiences…things he’s not comfortable sharing with me yet & I will not push him…I know he’ll tell me when he’s ready. And I’ll be there for him like he’s always there for me.

All of you reading this…you are all my family.  We aren’t something out of a Norman Rockwell painting…I think we’re much better.  We know we can count on each other…for better or worse.  We’re always ready with a big {{HUG}} for anyone who needs it and stick up for each other if one of us is attacked.  I feel truly blessed to have each one of you in my life and in the words of our #DarkKing… xo

5 responses to “We Are Family

  1. A very honest written work Sister, you are my family too,very proud of you to open yourself,Many people in this world always keep there door closed and locked away with their feelings, You have a strong expression about you,which is a very positive thing which most can learn from and to appreciate themselves… best wishes to you , AC x

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