The Bad Place

This is never a good place to be…but I feel it’s where I’m stuck today and no matter what I do or what anyone says I can’t fight my way out of it.  I was fine this morning…having a totally innocent convo with a friend when it happened.  Nothing was said to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings but it just brought back painful memories.  I spiraled downward quickly…trying to push the past back where it belonged but I was losing the battle.  I bled a little…it seemed to help.  My brothers & sisters rallied around me…sometimes I don’t think I could go on without their love & support.  Even then I could feel the tears welling up…it was all I could do to fight them back & not break out into a crying fit at work.  How would that have looked?  The day finally ended and I drove home…I wanted to cry…knew it would HOPEFULLY make me feel better but DAMMIT they wouldn’t come!  Thinking they would break free when I got home I was proved wrong again.  My son came out from his room as he always does when I get home…walked right up to me & hugged me…then it happened.  I just held him & cried.  Of course he flipped out…”What’s wrong Mom?!” he kept asking until I was able to tell him “Nothing baby…sometimes you just have bad days & need a good cry.”  He hugged me again & I told him I loved him…He said “I love you too mom” & walked back to his room.  This is what keeps me going…even though I’m still crying.

mother & son

6 responses to “The Bad Place

  1. Heartfelt bleed Dearest. If I were there right now I’d kiss every single one of your tears away. You’re so adored, our strength is there for you to take whenever needed, always remember that ❤

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