Eye For An Eye

“Murder is murder no matter who commits it…or why.” – Casey Novak, Law & Order SVU

They told me I was crazy but I know I’m not.
When I saw him step outside that coffee shop I went cold.
I remembered every detail of his face.
It had been ingrained in my memory since the day he abducted me 5 years ago.
Nothing would make that nightmare go away.
And how could they have let him go free?
They said it was consensual, I didn’t fight back, I never protested.
But he had drugged me, restrained me, gagged me…how could I?
I still have no idea how long I was there.
They said it was just a few days but it felt like weeks.
He was always there…talking to me, touching me, kissing me…
and yes, raping me.
So many times.
The first time I felt like I was being ripped apart.
So much pain.
After a while I just went numb.
I’m pretty sure I blacked out a few times.
But he wouldn’t shut up.
The whole time, every time, he kept talking.
How he loved me.
How we’d be together forever.
I just didn’t know it yet.
How he’d always watched me.
I’d felt for a while I was being followed but…
I shrugged it off.
He had to show me how good he was for me.
This was his insane way of proving it?
I just had to get used to him and everything would be ok.
I never said a word even after he removed the gag though he screamed at me…
beat me harder for my silence.
I didn’t care.
I just wanted to die.
Next thing I knew I was in the hospital.
I don’t remember much for days after that, not even how I got there.
He had left the basement window open just to get some fresh air.
Someone says they heard me screaming.
They said I was almost dead when they found me.
Still he got off.
Someone forgot to sign something somewhere in the proper spot and he was released on a technicality.
I remember screaming at him in court.
He looked at me with no expression, no emotion.
Said I enjoyed it…
and that he still loved me.
That eventually I would come to understand.
I never felt safe after that.
I tried moving, even changed my name.
But he was everywhere, I saw him in everyone.
I could hardly even leave my apartment.
5 years of torture and he was still free.
Seeing him after so long brought it all back.
My knees started to buckle…
I almost passed out but managed to grab onto a corner bench next to me and sat down.
He was on his phone, didn’t see me, but I somehow came to my senses.
I followed him all the way home.
They didn’t find us for 5 days.
Seems as his boss complained that he’d missed work.
He didn’t see me sneak up behind him.
When he opened the door I shoved him inside and he fell.
There was a lamp right inside on a table and I picked it up…
knocked him out with it.
I left fingerprints everywhere.
He woke up after I’d dragged him onto the bed and tied him up.
On his back.
He tried screaming through the duct tape I found but I couldn’t understand.
Didn’t want to…
didn’t care.
I needed something…long & hard.
Sodomy with a coke bottle is apparently not a thing he enjoys.
I wanted him to suffer as much as I had all those years ago.
Over and over again.
I screamed at him, beat him with his belt until he bled.
Found a baseball bat in his closet and smashed his knees.
Started beating his head with it.
That’s when he passed out for good.
Even then I couldn’t stop myself.
I started crying.
His head was nothing by then but a mangled, pulpy mess…
so much blood
Everything I did to him made me remember even more vividly what he did to me.
Still…I didn’t care.
And I didn’t stop.
Not til the cops dragged me away.
They couldn’t help me, couldn’t protect me or anyone else from him.
What if he’d done it to someone else?
They had no proof of that but it’s always possible.
I confessed.
Never went to trial.
I laughed during the whole process.
I was just glad he was dead.
They told me I was crazy.
No…I’m not.


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la Fille du Diable

Brenda sat on the couch, silently staring at the man passed out in the recliner. The tears on her face had dried, leaving only feelings of anger mixed with her physical pain.
He had abused her in ways no father should. Even worse, he let his friends take turns…after the first two or three she had lost count of how many times her bedroom door had opened and shut during the night. She honestly didn’t even know who they were because she kept her eyes closed the whole time until she heard their cars leaving early in the morning.
Feeling somewhat safe then she half dressed & had ventured out into the living room but he was still awake, sitting on the couch drunk and cleaning his revolver. When he saw her he laughed and asked her how she enjoyed the previous nights festivities. When she began to cry he got angry, threw her on the couch, ripped off her panties, shoved his gun inside her and told her if she ever said a word about it he would kill her. Then he smiled, cuffed her, pulled off his pants and started all over again.
Watching him sleep she wondered how easily it might be to kill him, but something deep inside told her not to. He was her father after all and in some sick, perverted, twisted way she knew he loved her. But what he did to her was wrong. If her mother was still alive she would’ve never allowed it but mom died when she was 8…the abuse started soon after. She was 13 now & had started to develop early…way more than most of the other girls her age which brought her a lot of unwanted attention. She didn’t understand why the boys kept staring at her but if it had anything to do with what her father did to her constantly she wanted no part of it.
His gun was still laying on the table but she wasn’t quite sure how it worked. He had never taught her how to use it and she didn’t want to just harm him, she wanted him dead. There were all those knives in the kitchen too but she didn’t want to stab him in the wrong spot because if it didn’t kill him then what’s the point.
She really wasn’t sure what to do so she thought maybe while he was still asleep should take a walk to clear her head. Maybe she would think of something.

They lived about two blocks from the train station in a very run down part of town. Most of the houses in their area were either abandoned or close to being condemned and hers was one of the only few left on their street that was still occupied. Mainly because dad didn’t have enough money to move them and there was nothing else they could afford. She was walking behind the station house when she heard someone crying, like a small child. She walked around to the front of the building and saw a woman standing at the ticket counter talking to the agent. Close to the edge of the platform there was a small boy, maybe around 3 or 4 years old. He was dressed real fancy in nice new clothes bought from a store in town. All she ever got to wear were old items from the Salvation Army store or the donation boxes at church. She noticed a red spot on his leg and figured a mosquito or something else had bit him which is why he was crying. Snot was running down his nose, dripping on his new shirt which made her angry. He was just a kid, didn’t really know any better but it irked her that he was all clean & nice, messing up his neat clothes while she was dirty & dressed in hand-me-downs. He noticed her as she walked closer and smiled, gurgling and trying to babble at her. She shushed him and motioned for him to follow her as she walked backwards towards the woods. He slowly made his way down the steps as she looked towards the counter…neither his mother nor the ticket agent were looking in their direction. He caught up to her but tripped on a small branch and started crying again.
His mother yelled at him without even turning around “Be quiet Tommy, I’m almost done!”
Brenda smiled & reached out to him “Don’t be afraid Tommy, we’re gonna go play in the woods. Wouldn’t you like that?” He nodded at her smiling his toothy grin as he took her hand and she led him away.

The police had been looking for Tommy for 3 days before they found his body in the woods, buried in a small shallow grave covered with leaves. Something had been gnawing on his face…part of his nose was missing and there were bite marks on his lips and cheeks. Several fingers were missing and part of his left leg was gone. It made the news all over town and everyone around came for the funeral, Brenda included but her father was conspicuously absent. She watched Tommy’s mother, sobbing uncontrollably while the man behind her held her steady. It was probably Tommy’s father. He was handsome, well-dressed & you could see the pain in his face as he tried to hold himself together. Suddenly she recognized him…he was a well-known lawyer whose face was plastered on several billboards through town. If she had known that then maybe she wouldn’t have done all those things to Tommy. But then she realized it never would have mattered. She had been so angry, so hurt…she needed to inflict pain on something else. Or someone. Tommy had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. He never even saw it coming…he was so clumsy falling over everything as they walked away & crying that she knew his mom would come looking soon so she picked him up and ran, carrying him deeper into the woods. She sat him down on the ground and he was momentarily distracted by a frog that came hopping by, long enough for her to find a large rock nearby that wasn’t too heavy for her to pick up. He was crawling along the ground slowly when the rock came down hard on the back of his head. She knew all about soft spots on babies heads and figured as long as she got close to it then maybe he would be dazed enough so he wouldn’t struggle too much. He never even screamed…it killed him instantly which made her even angrier. She wanted him to suffer and she couldn’t even hear the sounds of his screams when she pulled out her pocketknife and stabbed his lifeless body over and over until her hand ached. She had sat & cried a bit out of frustration before trying to find something to hide him with. The rock she had found had a sharp, flat edge on it and she used it to dig out a small depression in the ground to put his body in. The ground was covered in old leaves which she used to cover the grave. She stamped them down to put more & more on before falling back, exhausted. The whole day played over & over in her head but she felt no better than before. The anger she’d felt towards her father was just deepening so if this didn’t cull her need to inflict pain she wasn’t sure if anything would. She had slowly gotten to her feet before walking back towards the house to find her dad still asleep. All the feelings she had for him earlier were gone. He was just a sack of meat that caused her pain and he needed to pay for it. She had found the large butcher knife in the kitchen and sat on the coffee table in front of him, plotting, looking over him slowly trying to figure out where to cut him first. Somehow she needed to incapacitate him so he wouldn’t move much or make a lot of noise. Back in the kitchen she found some duct tape and a long extension cord…he was so drunk he didn’t even flinch when she placed the tape over his mouth and tied the cord around his stomach and the chair.

By the time they found his body, several days after Tommy’s funeral, she was long gone. Someone had called the cops because she had missed some school and he was found still tied to his chair. The knife was protruding from his face, lodged deep in his left eye but he’d been stabbed 47 times, 3 fingers sliced off and his left ear was missing. They never found it, or her.


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Do you see this knife in my hand?

Yeah, I can see that you do ’cause your eyes are bulging out of their sockets.

You really need to stop squirming…well actually you don’t because the more you squirm the tighter the ropes get & the more it cuts off your circulation that causes you more pain which is really all I want.

I want you to feel as much pain as you’ve caused me because I can’t stop thinking about you.

It’s been absolute torture no matter what I do.

I’ve tried cutting you out of my life.

I’ve tried ignoring you.

I’ve tried everything I can to get you out of my head but you keep popping up all over. Every time I turn around there you are so maybe this is the only way.

Maybe if I gouge out your eyes with this knife I won’t be able to see you in my dreams. Maybe.

And maybe if I cut out your tongue I won’t be able to hear your voice in my head anymore.

Maybe…maybe not…but I guess I should give it a shot.

Who knows, it might work.



I sat there quietly listening to him screaming from the other room.

He’d been wailing off and on for hours but I was tired and didn’t want to deal with him at the moment.
I sat up as the sounds softened to a low sob and rose off the sofa, slowly walking into the bedroom and stared at him with no emotion whatsoever.

I felt dead inside. Seeing him there, tied to the bed, covered in blood, a pickaxe burried in his right knee…there was no pity or emotion. I bore many scars…some on top of each other from his years of relentless torment. He had killed everything in me therefore his suffering meant nothing to me at all. His eyes widened as he saw me and he began screaming again, calling me every foul name he could think of but it had no affect. I sighed as I picked up a large meat cleaver and as I raised it slowly over his right calf he began to cry. I looked at him as he quietly whispered “Please…please Katie”.

“Please? How many times did I say that to you and you never stopped?” and my eyes glazed over as the blade fell.

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

 unrequited reapings

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agrona 4

He was gone, I was alone, and though I knew he would be back soon it seemed he’d been away forever.
There wasn’t even anywhere else for me to go. I had lost any interest long ago in traveling to the above world and anytime I even attempted it I became ill.
It just didn’t seem worth it anymore. There was no one there that I knew…everyone from my old life was now dead & had been for what seemed like centuries. Their memories faded more every day and even though I tried to hold on to some I new they would eventually disappear for good.
Kieran was with him. She was learning so fast, becoming a true master at her art and would soon go out on her own. It only meant that she would be away from me even more and I still had horrible bouts of loneliness.
He did not like it…me being by myself so much. His Kindred Sister often came to visit but she never stayed long as she had her own journey to make. I was tired even more lately…sleeping continuously for days mostly out of boredom even though I knew I didn’t need it all of the time. I was the Queen here but I ached for company.

I woke to the sound of whispers. As I lay there and quietly listened it seemed as if a thousand butterflies were flapping their wings inside my head. It was soft & soothing and I carried it with me for days floating weightlessly on the sounds. Somehow it managed to cure my melancholy but I wondered often how long it would last and possibly why it was there.
Often it would grow louder, softly buzzing for hours in my brain until I forced myself to sleep and then it would disappear. Occasionally it would go away for a day or two and then come back with a vengeance, like hundreds of bees alive in my head. On those days I could barely think and hid away even more.

This morning it was extremely loud but I found it was coming from somewhere else. It had left my body and was calling to me from deep inside the farthest caverns. The whispers had returned and spoke to me of wonderfully beautiful things. I left my bed and ventured out to find where the sounds were coming from.
I wandered for days following them, mellowed by their lyrical beauty until I came up on a small cave hidden beside the flaming river of blood. I needed to get on my hands and knees to crawl through the low entrance but inside it was high enough for me to stand & I saw it was lit by several stone lanterns. Then the whispers transformed…it became the sweetest music I had ever heard drumming directly beneath my bare feet. The soil was dark red and rock hard but I dug fiercely with my hands until they were bleeding from my efforts.

agrona 12
Her voice exploded when I breached the hollow where she had been entombed and I carefully removed her shroud. How long had she lain here waiting for me to find her? Gently grasping her thick wooden snath I slowly freed her from her crypt as she sang to me in a thousand different voices. Her lovely blade gleamed blood red in the glow of the fires when she suddenly went silent. My heart beat quickly as I listened and I heard a single word repeated over & over “Agrona, Agrona, Agrona…” I realized that it was her name she was revealing and tears fell as I sat on the floor of the cave clutching her to my chest and listening to her story.
A demon had hidden her there eons ago to get back at his master for a punishment he deemed unfit. I found it odd that he never mentioned it but it’s possible he had forgotten since so much time had passed. She had been sleeping patiently until she sensed my presence and was finally able to garner enough strength to contact me. But she was still very weak and needed badly to feed. I felt a new sense of strength inside myself just from having her near and knew that I could face the outside world again as I would have to to find her Prey.
I was happier than I had been in ages and as I left the cavern the air changed and suddenly He was there. My dark soul sang as I clung to him desperately…I had missed him so badly and felt as if I could finally breathe again.
He apologized for his extended absence as he kissed my tears away and was surprised to find me so far from our home until I told him what had occurred and revealed my treasured new friend. Her voice exploded again when he stroked her blade and she revealed her pain to him, naming her tormentor. He brought his own Scythe near, knowing they had been forged from the same steel, and vowed that she would have her revenge once she was properly fed & rested. She had suffered greatly but was once again part of our family. I knew she would always be by my side and I would be sure to bring her punisher to justice.

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

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switch 2

One too many times I have told that stupid bitch to leave me the fuck alone but she won’t listen. The repetetive whining & screaming all day, all night. I can barely get any sleep and I’m so tired.
Little does she know that I have bodies hidden in my basement, and if she knows what’s good for her she’ll shut up before she becomes an addition to my collection.

Finally, a little bit of silence.
But there seems to be no end to the insanity in this place. There’s no one to rely on anywhere, no one I can trust.
I’ve been bullied for so long, pretty much my entire life…all of my self-confidence stripped away and shattered on the floor.
People wonder why I steer clear of crowds, why I don’t go to parties or socialize even at work.
Because every time I meet someone new I’m afraid…afraid of putting myself out there once again and having my heart ripped to pieces. It’s happened over & over & over.
The abuse won’t stop…it’s a never-ending vicious cycle. Years of being told what to do…how, when and where.
By him and everyone else. It’s like I can’t fully let myself go and even attempt to have a normal life. Like I was ever “normal”.
They will all pay. Like the ones before.

My hands are starting to shake because she’s screaming at me again. I feel like I’m being pushed over the edge once more and it’s all her fault.
Stupid cunt.
Sometimes I don’t want to do it but I can’t stop it once it starts. When it sets firmly in my head that it’s going to happen there’s no way out. It’s like a switch going on, everything else just goes dark and it’s all I see…blood & bodies lying everywhere. Nothing else matters after that.
And there it is.

switch 1
That pop…I feel it every time and it’s like a giant rush of energy all at once. And it feels so good…like an orgasm. I start laughing as I quickly walk up to her and smash her face into the corner of the table. I hear the crack of her nose as it hits the heavily varnished wood and imagine it splintering parts of her skull into her brain. Maybe I should try to see if I can dig the pieces out but that would take too long and I can’t stay here. Damn, it was too quick. The force of the blow was enough to kill her. Physically I’m not that strong. Dealing with him for years…he never let me go anywhere. Just wanted me always around at his disposal for anything…he didn’t even care that I’d gotten soft around the edges though I was still attractive enough to warrant his attentions. He was the first to die…and he suffered gloriously for all those years of confinement. We lived in the middle of nowhere and only the slinking creatures that prowled around our dilapidated hovel heard his screams echoing through the night.
It was just one of those things that you hear about on TV sometimes…someone in great distress or urgency finds this inner strength they never knew they had. It was like that every time. It was like I became something inhuman and I reveled in it. I buried him in the basement…there were a few others there now and I’ll dig a fresh hole for her.

It really didn’t matter to her anymore. She didn’t care what anyone else thought about her at all. She was free and could finally do whatever the fuck she wanted.
She didn’t care if she got caught. She was just going to take as many of those bastards down before that happened.
It’s all about revenge, plain and simple. And she felt like she was just getting started.

It was dark…I had to get her back to the basement fast. I didn’t even know how to drive…no one ever taught me so I had to try & teach myself quickly once he was gone. She never taught me and he didn’t want me out of the house. She had assumed he’d ran off with some whore from town & said it wasn’t right for me to be out there by myself so she’d dragged me back to live with her until he came back. He would never come back and I’m not sure what was worse. She had abused me constantly as a child…I was always in the hospital and they even took me away once when I was 10 but she got me back after my brother died. I had gone to live with my aunt & uncle a few miles away and was finally happy, for a little while. But one night a few weeks later they found Mikey on the floor all bloody & bruised with her leaning over him screaming. He was only 4. She tried to claim he fell down the stairs but I didn’t believe her…not after what she had done to me. I hated her so much but they forced me to go back to her. They said it would lessen her grief after losing him. Her grief? What about my grief??? No one gave a shit about me. They never had. But they would now.

switch 3

The Queen of Hell

Queen of Hell 3

unrequited reapings

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