Broken


THE QUEEN OF HELL

Advertisements

If only…

IMG_0070

She waited at the corner
Trying not to look around franticly
Waiting
Hoping to see him again
She remembered every detail
The tiny wisps of hair along his forehead
Dark blue eyes
The hint of his strong jawline under that cute scruffy beard
His confident stride
Maybe she’d get up the nerve
To say hi
Smile at him
Maybe he’d smile back
Like she thought she’d seen a glimpse of that day
She’d been back so many times just hoping
She felt as if she’d been waiting forever

If only she knew…

He was already there
Afraid to move
Watching her
The way the sun played upon her red-gold hair
Her face as she said hi to strangers passing
Maybe they weren’t strangers
it lit up the sky when she smiled
He was so nervous
That first day he saw her he had froze
He thought she’d smiled at him
But it may have been someone else
No way to be sure
But he liked to think it was all for him
How long would he wait?
Could he break his shyness and try to talk to her?
His feet were pasted to the sidewalk

If only he knew…

img_0009

THE QUEEN OF HELL

 

Maybe

Do you see this knife in my hand?

Yeah, I can see that you do ’cause your eyes are bulging out of their sockets.

You really need to stop squirming…well actually you don’t because the more you squirm the tighter the ropes get & the more it cuts off your circulation that causes you more pain which is really all I want.

I want you to feel as much pain as you’ve caused me because I can’t stop thinking about you.

It’s been absolute torture no matter what I do.

I’ve tried cutting you out of my life.

I’ve tried ignoring you.

I’ve tried everything I can to get you out of my head but you keep popping up all over. Every time I turn around there you are so maybe this is the only way.

Maybe if I gouge out your eyes with this knife I won’t be able to see you in my dreams. Maybe.

And maybe if I cut out your tongue I won’t be able to hear your voice in my head anymore.

Maybe…maybe not…but I guess I should give it a shot.

Who knows, it might work.

Fresh Is Best

pork chop

I sit and watch, mesmerized, my eyes slowly widening as I watch the pale flesh separate from the bone.
It sliced off so evenly, only a small piece falls to the floor so I stoop to pick it up and rinse it off in the sink next to the table.
Dark red stains my fingertips and palm as I turn it over in my hand, suddenly wondering what it may taste like.
I run upstairs quickly and return within a few minutes carrying a skillet, some oil, salt, pepper, a knife & fork and a plate.
I have a small hot plate down here in the basement but I don’t use it much really because there’s never been any reason to…until now.
I noticed her staring at me, her eyes slowly glazing over with fear and pain.
Not a word she says as I have taking care of that and removed her tongue. The only thing she can do is emit a low gurgle.
Smiling, I decided to cook the tongue along with the other and just make a regular dinner out of it. I think I have some salad upstairs too left over from last night to round everything out.
It’s interesting how the blood cooks, sizzling & browning a bit around the edge of the small puddle and it flips nicely when I turn the meat over. Pulling a bit of it away I let it rest on my tongue, savoring it as it melts away. I turn off the heat, not wanting to overcook it but not sure how to tell since I’ve never cooked human before. It smells a bit like hamburger. The tongue is thick and chewy but not bad, a bit hard to swallow though. The meat, however, is amazing. Crunchy around the edges but nice & tender, like cutting into a thick pork chop. A bit of muscle is still attached to it and it just adds a bit to the flavor. I just hope she doesn’t die anytime soon…the next bit may not taste as good. Everyone knows fresh is best.

13295300_10205264582567611_1247615621_n

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my first book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

and coming soon…my latest collection…

reaper's omnibus book cover

 

In the end…

image

you made me feel like I was special
like I was somebody
I was finally part of the in crowd
and people were actually jealous
jealous of me
because I was worthy of your attention
after being so broken
so many times
I was happy
happier than I’ve been in ages
so what happened
why did it sour so quickly
what did I do that was so wrong
to make you leave without a trace
abandoned
alone again
a year later the pain is still there
I doubt it will ever go away
sometimes it does for a while
I can take a deep breath
and remember what happiness was
but then there are nights like tonight
when all I want to do
is either feel sorry for myself
cry myself to sleep
or let the anger take over
and stab you in the face
well…
I write about shit like that
I would never actually act it out
but sometimes thinking about it helps
my self-confidence has not recovered
and I can’t forgive you
not  yet
maybe someday
but I doubt it’s going to be anytime soon
it’s been an extremely rough year for me
in more ways than one
but I hope you’re happy
I don’t expect a response to this
in the end…
I just needed to tell you how I feel
how I still feel after all this time

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my first book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

Obsession

Killer silhouette behind door with frosted glass

you don’t know how many times
I’ve watched you walk past that window
how many times I wish
you would come outside
and say hello
just smile at me
let me know it’s all ok
but every day it’s the same thing
you continue to ignore me
like you always do
its agonizing
completely frustrating
how can you not understand
my true feelings?
maybe tonight will be the night
maybe you’ll feel as much pain as I felt
when you broke my heart
when you rejected my advances
maybe
once the knife pierces your skin
your eyes glaze over
you’ll realize how much I really love you
I always have
and then you’ll be mine
Forever

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

Waiting

image
I’ve spent a lifetime
it seems
of Waiting for you
so much time
Waiting
for you to notice me
to tell me you care
for that next message
the next hug
your smile
that sparkle
twinkle
in your baby blues
the next I love you
hours
days
Waiting
for the tears
that deep empty ache
in my chest
to end
my broken heart
to mend
weeks
months
of just wishing
you would disappear
the memories would
simply stop
so I could breathe
again
without the pain
of knowing
finally realizing
that you’re
no longer Waiting
for me

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings