la mort et l’amour

it matters not
the lines
the screaming
the pain
it’s everywhere
why?
no one cares
somewhere
maybe they do
breezes on the beach
wind in your hair
why can’t it be?
I would die
a thousand times
just for this
once
my heart would be
so full
love
it’s all that matters

THE QUEEN OF HELL

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AND…

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Rat-atouille

I’ve been down here for weeks now
maybe months
I can’t really be sure
time means nothing anymore
I get so hungry sometimes
and he doesn’t feed me much
it’s always cold
and tastes like shit
but it’s better than nothing
I stopped crying a while ago
even speaking
it does no good
he never pays attention
I don’t know him
and I still don’t know
why I’m here
not even sure
how I got here
in this dirty hole
I have no memory
of anything
he hasn’t been here at all
lately
the rancid air is so thin
and light here is bad
just a little brightness
through the small door window
high above
I almost didn’t see the rat
but I heard it in the corner
there isn’t enough room in this box
for both of us
and I was so hungry
it didn’t taste as bad as I thought

 

THE QUEEN OF HELL

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

AND…

In the end…

image

you made me feel like I was special
like I was somebody
I was finally part of the in crowd
and people were actually jealous
jealous of me
because I was worthy of your attention
after being so broken
so many times
I was happy
happier than I’ve been in ages
so what happened
why did it sour so quickly
what did I do that was so wrong
to make you leave without a trace
abandoned
alone again
a year later the pain is still there
I doubt it will ever go away
sometimes it does for a while
I can take a deep breath
and remember what happiness was
but then there are nights like tonight
when all I want to do
is either feel sorry for myself
cry myself to sleep
or let the anger take over
and stab you in the face
well…
I write about shit like that
I would never actually act it out
but sometimes thinking about it helps
my self-confidence has not recovered
and I can’t forgive you
not  yet
maybe someday
but I doubt it’s going to be anytime soon
it’s been an extremely rough year for me
in more ways than one
but I hope you’re happy
I don’t expect a response to this
in the end…
I just needed to tell you how I feel
how I still feel after all this time

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my first book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

Obsession

Killer silhouette behind door with frosted glass

you don’t know how many times
I’ve watched you walk past that window
how many times I wish
you would come outside
and say hello
just smile at me
let me know it’s all ok
but every day it’s the same thing
you continue to ignore me
like you always do
its agonizing
completely frustrating
how can you not understand
my true feelings?
maybe tonight will be the night
maybe you’ll feel as much pain as I felt
when you broke my heart
when you rejected my advances
maybe
once the knife pierces your skin
your eyes glaze over
you’ll realize how much I really love you
I always have
and then you’ll be mine
Forever

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

Waiting

image
I’ve spent a lifetime
it seems
of Waiting for you
so much time
Waiting
for you to notice me
to tell me you care
for that next message
the next hug
your smile
that sparkle
twinkle
in your baby blues
the next I love you
hours
days
Waiting
for the tears
that deep empty ache
in my chest
to end
my broken heart
to mend
weeks
months
of just wishing
you would disappear
the memories would
simply stop
so I could breathe
again
without the pain
of knowing
finally realizing
that you’re
no longer Waiting
for me

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

 

Forgotten

forgotten

all those little reminders

old messages

emails

pictures on my phone

now they’re gone

deleted

I don’t need anything

anymore

to remind me

that you forgot about me

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

 unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings