it matters not
the lines
the screaming
the pain
it’s everywhere
why?
no one cares
somewhere
maybe they do
breezes on the beach
wind in your hair
why can’t it be?
I would die
a thousand times
just for this
once
my heart would be
so full
love
it’s all that matters
THE QUEEN OF HELL
pick up a copy of my book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
AND…
she could feel
all the lines
every ache
in every pore
the skin cracked
bleeding at the seams
droplets on the carpet
it was so dark
and the impression of it
was heavy
weighted
it didn’t seem to
make any sense
it was quiet
as if deep inside
a tomb
but her labored breaths
hung in the air
filling the room
with the only sound
except the plops
lightly
hitting the ground
the floor ablaze
pooling
with crimson fluid
THE QUEEN OF HELL
pick up a copy of my book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
AND…
I’ve been down here for weeks now
maybe months
I can’t really be sure
time means nothing anymore
I get so hungry sometimes
and he doesn’t feed me much
it’s always cold
and tastes like shit
but it’s better than nothing
I stopped crying a while ago
even speaking
it does no good
he never pays attention
I don’t know him
and I still don’t know
why I’m here
not even sure
how I got here
in this dirty hole
I have no memory
of anything
he hasn’t been here at all
lately
the rancid air is so thin
and light here is bad
just a little brightness
through the small door window
high above
I almost didn’t see the rat
but I heard it in the corner
there isn’t enough room in this box
for both of us
and I was so hungry
it didn’t taste as bad as I thought
THE QUEEN OF HELL
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
AND…
She waited at the corner
Trying not to look around franticly
Waiting
Hoping to see him again
She remembered every detail
The tiny wisps of hair along his forehead
Dark blue eyes
The hint of his strong jawline under that cute scruffy beard
His confident stride
Maybe she’d get up the nerve
To say hi
Smile at him
Maybe he’d smile back
Like she thought she’d seen a glimpse of that day
She’d been back so many times just hoping
She felt as if she’d been waiting forever
If only she knew…
He was already there
Afraid to move
Watching her
The way the sun played upon her red-gold hair
Her face as she said hi to strangers passing
Maybe they weren’t strangers
it lit up the sky when she smiled
He was so nervous
That first day he saw her he had froze
He thought she’d smiled at him
But it may have been someone else
No way to be sure
But he liked to think it was all for him
How long would he wait?
Could he break his shyness and try to talk to her?
His feet were pasted to the sidewalk
If only he knew…
THE QUEEN OF HELL
Do you see this knife in my hand?
Yeah, I can see that you do ’cause your eyes are bulging out of their sockets.
You really need to stop squirming…well actually you don’t because the more you squirm the tighter the ropes get & the more it cuts off your circulation that causes you more pain which is really all I want.
I want you to feel as much pain as you’ve caused me because I can’t stop thinking about you.
It’s been absolute torture no matter what I do.
I’ve tried cutting you out of my life.
I’ve tried ignoring you.
I’ve tried everything I can to get you out of my head but you keep popping up all over. Every time I turn around there you are so maybe this is the only way.
Maybe if I gouge out your eyes with this knife I won’t be able to see you in my dreams. Maybe.
And maybe if I cut out your tongue I won’t be able to hear your voice in my head anymore.
Maybe…maybe not…but I guess I should give it a shot.
Who knows, it might work.
you made me feel like I was special
like I was somebody
I was finally part of the in crowd
and people were actually jealous
jealous of me
because I was worthy of your attention
after being so broken
so many times
I was happy
happier than I’ve been in ages
so what happened
why did it sour so quickly
what did I do that was so wrong
to make you leave without a trace
abandoned
alone again
a year later the pain is still there
I doubt it will ever go away
sometimes it does for a while
I can take a deep breath
and remember what happiness was
but then there are nights like tonight
when all I want to do
is either feel sorry for myself
cry myself to sleep
or let the anger take over
and stab you in the face
well…
I write about shit like that
I would never actually act it out
but sometimes thinking about it helps
my self-confidence has not recovered
and I can’t forgive you
not yet
maybe someday
but I doubt it’s going to be anytime soon
it’s been an extremely rough year for me
in more ways than one
but I hope you’re happy
I don’t expect a response to this
in the end…
I just needed to tell you how I feel
how I still feel after all this time
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my first book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
you don’t know how many times
I’ve watched you walk past that window
how many times I wish
you would come outside
and say hello
just smile at me
let me know it’s all ok
but every day it’s the same thing
you continue to ignore me
like you always do
its agonizing
completely frustrating
how can you not understand
my true feelings?
maybe tonight will be the night
maybe you’ll feel as much pain as I felt
when you broke my heart
when you rejected my advances
maybe
once the knife pierces your skin
your eyes glaze over
you’ll realize how much I really love you
I always have
and then you’ll be mine
Forever
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
it’s all too much
I can’t seem to make heads or tails of it
why does everything have to be so final?
there are just too many raw emotions going through me right now
nothing makes sense
my head hurts from all the tears
and I’m hungry
I haven’t eaten anything today
I can’t sleep either
I’ve tried
I’m so exhausted
my body feels as if it’s worn to a frazzle
but the Sandman has disappeared
he’s such a bastard
never around when you need him
the wind seems to be blowing relentlessly outside
the song from my windchimes is a strange comfort
I wonder if she’s stopping by to say hello?
and now it seems as if someone is knocking at my door
it is my darling Reaper
his cold embrace offering little comfort
as my keening continues
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
there are pieces of my heart
still wedged between your fingers
when you clawed it out of my chest
I feel like such a fool
I fell for it all
your lies and deception
I hope it was worth it
I hope you can sleep at night
because no one will ever love you
the way I did
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
there’s a skinny girl in here
trapped
deep down inside me
I know she’s there
I’ve seen her before
but it’s been ages
I don’t let her out
much
it’s been years
since she’s seen the sun
occasionally
she gets a peek out the window
a small glimpse
of the outside world
how wonderful it is
but they don’t like her
those voices
those delicious, wonderful voices
chocolate hates her
ice cream won’t even acknowledge her
pizza says there is no way
she loves me more than it does
so she stays hidden
the locks on her cell shut tight
quietly waiting for her release
she’ll talk to me occasionally
whispering
sometimes she cries
but I can’t hear her right now
the fried chicken is calling
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
Words From The Underground 