Rat-atouille

I’ve been down here for weeks now
maybe months
I can’t really be sure
time means nothing anymore
I get so hungry sometimes
and he doesn’t feed me much
it’s always cold
and tastes like shit
but it’s better than nothing
I stopped crying a while ago
even speaking
it does no good
he never pays attention
I don’t know him
and I still don’t know
why I’m here
not even sure
how I got here
in this dirty hole
I have no memory
of anything
he hasn’t been here at all
lately
the rancid air is so thin
and light here is bad
just a little brightness
through the small door window
high above
I almost didn’t see the rat
but I heard it in the corner
there isn’t enough room in this box
for both of us
and I was so hungry
it didn’t taste as bad as I thought

 

THE QUEEN OF HELL

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AND…

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In the end…

image

you made me feel like I was special
like I was somebody
I was finally part of the in crowd
and people were actually jealous
jealous of me
because I was worthy of your attention
after being so broken
so many times
I was happy
happier than I’ve been in ages
so what happened
why did it sour so quickly
what did I do that was so wrong
to make you leave without a trace
abandoned
alone again
a year later the pain is still there
I doubt it will ever go away
sometimes it does for a while
I can take a deep breath
and remember what happiness was
but then there are nights like tonight
when all I want to do
is either feel sorry for myself
cry myself to sleep
or let the anger take over
and stab you in the face
well…
I write about shit like that
I would never actually act it out
but sometimes thinking about it helps
my self-confidence has not recovered
and I can’t forgive you
not  yet
maybe someday
but I doubt it’s going to be anytime soon
it’s been an extremely rough year for me
in more ways than one
but I hope you’re happy
I don’t expect a response to this
in the end…
I just needed to tell you how I feel
how I still feel after all this time

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

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Waiting

image
I’ve spent a lifetime
it seems
of Waiting for you
so much time
Waiting
for you to notice me
to tell me you care
for that next message
the next hug
your smile
that sparkle
twinkle
in your baby blues
the next I love you
hours
days
Waiting
for the tears
that deep empty ache
in my chest
to end
my broken heart
to mend
weeks
months
of just wishing
you would disappear
the memories would
simply stop
so I could breathe
again
without the pain
of knowing
finally realizing
that you’re
no longer Waiting
for me

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

 

Frazzled

reaper 108

it’s all too much
I can’t seem to make heads or tails of it
why does everything have to be so final?
there are just too many raw emotions going through me right now
nothing makes sense
my head hurts from all the tears
and I’m hungry
I haven’t eaten anything today
I can’t sleep either
I’ve tried
I’m so exhausted
my body feels as if it’s worn to a frazzle
but the Sandman has disappeared
he’s such a bastard
never around when you need him
the wind seems to be blowing relentlessly outside
the song from my windchimes is a strange comfort
I wonder if she’s stopping by to say hello?
and now it seems as if someone is knocking at my door
it is my darling Reaper
his cold embrace offering little comfort
as my keening continues

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

 unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

Please?

please

I sat there quietly listening to him screaming from the other room.

He’d been wailing off and on for hours but I was tired and didn’t want to deal with him at the moment.
I sat up as the sounds softened to a low sob and rose off the sofa, slowly walking into the bedroom and stared at him with no emotion whatsoever.

I felt dead inside. Seeing him there, tied to the bed, covered in blood, a pickaxe burried in his right knee…there was no pity or emotion. I bore many scars…some on top of each other from his years of relentless torment. He had killed everything in me therefore his suffering meant nothing to me at all. His eyes widened as he saw me and he began screaming again, calling me every foul name he could think of but it had no affect. I sighed as I picked up a large meat cleaver and as I raised it slowly over his right calf he began to cry. I looked at him as he quietly whispered “Please…please Katie”.

“Please? How many times did I say that to you and you never stopped?” and my eyes glazed over as the blade fell.

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

 unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

Forgotten

forgotten

all those little reminders

old messages

emails

pictures on my phone

now they’re gone

deleted

I don’t need anything

anymore

to remind me

that you forgot about me

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

 unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

Someday

someday

There are times I still cry when I think about you and how good things used to be.

And then I just want to slap myself for being such an idiot knowing there’s probably no way you even give me a second thought anymore.

Someday I’ll get over you.

Someday may never come.

Queen of Hell 3

The Queen Of Hell

 unrequited reapings

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings