it matters not
the lines
the screaming
the pain
it’s everywhere
why?
no one cares
somewhere
maybe they do
breezes on the beach
wind in your hair
why can’t it be?
I would die
a thousand times
just for this
once
my heart would be
so full
love
it’s all that matters
THE QUEEN OF HELL
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AND…
I’ve been down here for weeks now
maybe months
I can’t really be sure
time means nothing anymore
I get so hungry sometimes
and he doesn’t feed me much
it’s always cold
and tastes like shit
but it’s better than nothing
I stopped crying a while ago
even speaking
it does no good
he never pays attention
I don’t know him
and I still don’t know
why I’m here
not even sure
how I got here
in this dirty hole
I have no memory
of anything
he hasn’t been here at all
lately
the rancid air is so thin
and light here is bad
just a little brightness
through the small door window
high above
I almost didn’t see the rat
but I heard it in the corner
there isn’t enough room in this box
for both of us
and I was so hungry
it didn’t taste as bad as I thought
THE QUEEN OF HELL
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AND…
Do you see this knife in my hand?
Yeah, I can see that you do ’cause your eyes are bulging out of their sockets.
You really need to stop squirming…well actually you don’t because the more you squirm the tighter the ropes get & the more it cuts off your circulation that causes you more pain which is really all I want.
I want you to feel as much pain as you’ve caused me because I can’t stop thinking about you.
It’s been absolute torture no matter what I do.
I’ve tried cutting you out of my life.
I’ve tried ignoring you.
I’ve tried everything I can to get you out of my head but you keep popping up all over. Every time I turn around there you are so maybe this is the only way.
Maybe if I gouge out your eyes with this knife I won’t be able to see you in my dreams. Maybe.
And maybe if I cut out your tongue I won’t be able to hear your voice in my head anymore.
Maybe…maybe not…but I guess I should give it a shot.
Who knows, it might work.
you made me feel like I was special
like I was somebody
I was finally part of the in crowd
and people were actually jealous
jealous of me
because I was worthy of your attention
after being so broken
so many times
I was happy
happier than I’ve been in ages
so what happened
why did it sour so quickly
what did I do that was so wrong
to make you leave without a trace
abandoned
alone again
a year later the pain is still there
I doubt it will ever go away
sometimes it does for a while
I can take a deep breath
and remember what happiness was
but then there are nights like tonight
when all I want to do
is either feel sorry for myself
cry myself to sleep
or let the anger take over
and stab you in the face
well…
I write about shit like that
I would never actually act it out
but sometimes thinking about it helps
my self-confidence has not recovered
and I can’t forgive you
not yet
maybe someday
but I doubt it’s going to be anytime soon
it’s been an extremely rough year for me
in more ways than one
but I hope you’re happy
I don’t expect a response to this
in the end…
I just needed to tell you how I feel
how I still feel after all this time
The Queen of Hell
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I’ve spent a lifetime
it seems
of Waiting for you
so much time
Waiting
for you to notice me
to tell me you care
for that next message
the next hug
your smile
that sparkle
twinkle
in your baby blues
the next I love you
hours
days
Waiting
for the tears
that deep empty ache
in my chest
to end
my broken heart
to mend
weeks
months
of just wishing
you would disappear
the memories would
simply stop
so I could breathe
again
without the pain
of knowing
finally realizing
that you’re
no longer Waiting
for me
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
it’s all too much
I can’t seem to make heads or tails of it
why does everything have to be so final?
there are just too many raw emotions going through me right now
nothing makes sense
my head hurts from all the tears
and I’m hungry
I haven’t eaten anything today
I can’t sleep either
I’ve tried
I’m so exhausted
my body feels as if it’s worn to a frazzle
but the Sandman has disappeared
he’s such a bastard
never around when you need him
the wind seems to be blowing relentlessly outside
the song from my windchimes is a strange comfort
I wonder if she’s stopping by to say hello?
and now it seems as if someone is knocking at my door
it is my darling Reaper
his cold embrace offering little comfort
as my keening continues
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
there are pieces of my heart
still wedged between your fingers
when you clawed it out of my chest
I feel like such a fool
I fell for it all
your lies and deception
I hope it was worth it
I hope you can sleep at night
because no one will ever love you
the way I did
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
all those little reminders
old messages
emails
pictures on my phone
now they’re gone
deleted
I don’t need anything
anymore
to remind me
that you forgot about me
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
There are times I still cry when I think about you and how good things used to be.
And then I just want to slap myself for being such an idiot knowing there’s probably no way you even give me a second thought anymore.
Someday I’ll get over you.
Someday may never come.
The Queen Of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
are you okay?
I really hope you are
because I’m not
not since you left
I thought you loved me
but now i realize
it was all a lie
nothing is the same
you won’t even talk to me
I keep trying
I still love you though
I still worry about you
I want you to be okay
and I want you to know
how sad I am
how often I cry
how physically painful it is
every day
to love someone
who threw you away
The Queen of Hell
pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle
watch the bloody sequel to The Orphan Killer…TOK2 BoundXBlood now on Vimeo
Words From The Underground 