Eye For An Eye

“Murder is murder no matter who commits it…or why.” – Casey Novak, Law & Order SVU

They told me I was crazy but I know I’m not.
When I saw him step outside that coffee shop I went cold.
I remembered every detail of his face.
It had been ingrained in my memory since the day he abducted me 5 years ago.
Nothing would make that nightmare go away.
And how could they have let him go free?
They said it was consensual, I didn’t fight back, I never protested.
But he had drugged me, restrained me, gagged me…how could I?
I still have no idea how long I was there.
They said it was just a few days but it felt like weeks.
He was always there…talking to me, touching me, kissing me…
and yes, raping me.
So many times.
The first time I felt like I was being ripped apart.
So much pain.
After a while I just went numb.
I’m pretty sure I blacked out a few times.
But he wouldn’t shut up.
The whole time, every time, he kept talking.
How he loved me.
How we’d be together forever.
I just didn’t know it yet.
How he’d always watched me.
Stalker.
I’d felt for a while I was being followed but…
I shrugged it off.
He had to show me how good he was for me.
This was his insane way of proving it?
I just had to get used to him and everything would be ok.
I never said a word even after he removed the gag though he screamed at me…
beat me harder for my silence.
I didn’t care.
I just wanted to die.
Next thing I knew I was in the hospital.
I don’t remember much for days after that, not even how I got there.
He had left the basement window open just to get some fresh air.
Someone says they heard me screaming.
They said I was almost dead when they found me.
Still he got off.
Someone forgot to sign something somewhere in the proper spot and he was released on a technicality.
I remember screaming at him in court.
He looked at me with no expression, no emotion.
Said I enjoyed it…
and that he still loved me.
That eventually I would come to understand.
I never felt safe after that.
I tried moving, even changed my name.
But he was everywhere, I saw him in everyone.
I could hardly even leave my apartment.
5 years of torture and he was still free.
Seeing him after so long brought it all back.
My knees started to buckle…
I almost passed out but managed to grab onto a corner bench next to me and sat down.
He was on his phone, didn’t see me, but I somehow came to my senses.
I followed him all the way home.
They didn’t find us for 5 days.
Seems as his boss complained that he’d missed work.
He didn’t see me sneak up behind him.
When he opened the door I shoved him inside and he fell.
There was a lamp right inside on a table and I picked it up…
knocked him out with it.
I left fingerprints everywhere.
He woke up after I’d dragged him onto the bed and tied him up.
On his back.
He tried screaming through the duct tape I found but I couldn’t understand.
Didn’t want to…
didn’t care.
I needed something…long & hard.
Sodomy with a coke bottle is apparently not a thing he enjoys.
I wanted him to suffer as much as I had all those years ago.
Over and over again.
I screamed at him, beat him with his belt until he bled.
Found a baseball bat in his closet and smashed his knees.
Started beating his head with it.
That’s when he passed out for good.
Even then I couldn’t stop myself.
I started crying.
His head was nothing by then but a mangled, pulpy mess…
so much blood
Everything I did to him made me remember even more vividly what he did to me.
Still…I didn’t care.
And I didn’t stop.
Not til the cops dragged me away.
They couldn’t help me, couldn’t protect me or anyone else from him.
What if he’d done it to someone else?
They had no proof of that but it’s always possible.
I confessed.
Never went to trial.
I laughed during the whole process.
I was just glad he was dead.
They told me I was crazy.
No…I’m not.

THE QUEEN OF HELL

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AND…

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Rat-atouille

I’ve been down here for weeks now
maybe months
I can’t really be sure
time means nothing anymore
I get so hungry sometimes
and he doesn’t feed me much
it’s always cold
and tastes like shit
but it’s better than nothing
I stopped crying a while ago
even speaking
it does no good
he never pays attention
I don’t know him
and I still don’t know
why I’m here
not even sure
how I got here
in this dirty hole
I have no memory
of anything
he hasn’t been here at all
lately
the rancid air is so thin
and light here is bad
just a little brightness
through the small door window
high above
I almost didn’t see the rat
but I heard it in the corner
there isn’t enough room in this box
for both of us
and I was so hungry
it didn’t taste as bad as I thought

 

THE QUEEN OF HELL

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AND…

Voracity

creepy 10

I’m so hungry
I can’t remember
how long it’s been since I’ve eaten
I almost feel ill
my stomach is aching
cramping
and here comes the dizziness
I can barely even stand up
I’m really not sure
how much longer I’ll last
but…
wait…
what is that smell?
that delicious aroma…
where is it coming from?
my head isn’t very clear
foggy in fact
I can hardly focus
and my vision is so blurry
but that scent…
so mouthwatering
so close
ahhhh there it is
I found it
no
it’s ok
don’t struggle
please
it will all be over soon

queen of hell 4

The Queen of Hell

 unrequited reapings

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Harvest Time

harvest

I saw her from far off into the distance, staring towards my window that dark October evening.
At least I thought it was a “she” as it was very hard to tell from so far away.
The sun was still going down in the horizon and it was foggy; a light mist covering the ground making the bare trees look like grotesque, gnarled hands of some giant coming up through the barren earth.
This farm was a joke. My dad bought the place 2 years ago in hopes of raising corn but it was almost as if the place was cursed. He’d tried the last two seasons and barely gotten a few bushels to keep for us, let alone anything to sell.
And we were broke, or very close to it. I’d heard my mom on the phone earlier with the bank and crying afterwards when dad came home. They were going on 6 months behind in the mortgage payments and if something didn’t happen soon we’d lose the place for good.
Where would we go? We had no real family…my parents had both been only children and my grandparents had passed on years ago. So I had no cousins, brothers or sisters. Actually that was a lie. I’d had a sister, but she was dead…died when she was 12. Doctors had said it was just one of those things. They found nothing physically wrong with her so they didn’t know what had happened, she was just gone. Went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up. I still missed her a lot, and I cry myself to sleep sometimes. She was the only friend I really had as we had moved around a lot and never hung around long enough to get close to any local kids.
I dreamed about her that night, standing in front of the old tree at the end of the field. She kept whispering my name and I wanted to follow her but I was afraid. She was holding a small sickle…I don’t know why because she was always afraid to go in the barn where all dad’s harvesting tools were. And there was blood dripping from the blade.

harvest 1

The corn in the fields was coming up but it was so poor. Made me think of that story in the Bible when Joseph interpreted Pharaoh’s dream about the withered, dying ears of grain. Dad had tried so hard, dug so many irrigation ditches and we’d been really fortunate that the crows had stayed away. It just wasn’t helping at all.
He was at the far end of the field cutting some of it down with a scythe to save gas for the combine. It was kinda funny to watch him with it because he wasn’t used to it and it wasn’t as sharp as it should be but somehow he was getting the job done. He saw me and smiled.
“Hey Sarah, want to give me a hand? There’s another one of these in the barn…it’s not really hard once you get the hang of it.”
“Sure dad, just give me a second & I’ll be right back.”
I opened the barn door and found the wall with all the tools hanging from it, seeing the large scythe and running my fingers along the blade. It was very sharp and I had to be careful not to cut myself. Funny, dad should have picked this one to use. It was a lot lighter than I expected as I pulled it down and walked back outside. And there she was again. Just like I’d seen her from my window. I knew it was a “she” now as she was wearing a dress…just like the one we buried her in.
I felt like I couldn’t move when I heard dad’s voice again.
“What’s wrong Sarah?” he looked in the direction I was staring and looked back at me. “What do you see over there?”
“I’m not sure dad but I think there’s something over by the tree.”
“Well, go look if you want to” he said, “but come back quick. I want to see if there’s anything here we can save.”
I was shaking as I walked slowly towards the tree. She’d moved and was now standing directly beside it, still holding the bloody sickle.
“Melanie? What are you doing here? You’re dead.”
She didn’t say a word, only stared at me and smiled.
“Is there something you want?” I asked, “Why are you here?”
She opened her mouth but I heard nothing for several seconds, then a light hissing noise as her voice cracked and she whispered the word “Sacrifice.”
Sacrifice? “What do you mean Mel? I don’t understand.”
She held up the sickle towards my hand and as I touched it with my finger I saw the image, a scenario playing out in my head. It was the only way we could save the farm.
“Are you sure Mel? Is that what we have to do?”
She nodded and turned away, disappearing around the tree. I ran after her but she was gone. My heart was beating in my chest as I turned back to the field to help my father and think about what needed to be done.

harvest 3

It was really hard to fall asleep that night. I kept having the dream again and now there were rivers of blood running through the corn. There was nothing else to do. I had to tell him.
We had finished breakfast the next morning & mom was in the kitchen cleaning up as dad was in the living room preparing to go back out in the fields. He’d just poured a cup of coffee as I sat down & got his attention.
“Mel was in the field yesterday.” I said, “She told me how we could save the farm.” I whispered to him so mom wouldn’t hear.
He stared at me in disbelief. “What are you talking about Sarah? Is that what you saw by the tree? Are you saying you saw a ghost?”
“Yes dad, and you may not believe me but I have to show you something.” and I touched his hand.
He jerked back as if I’d shocked him, but I knew he believed me, because he’d seen it too.
“Ok,” he said, and his face was ashen. “If that’s how it has to be then that’s what we have to do, but your mom is staying out of it. I don’t want her involved.”
“If it happens like I saw we’ll do ok just the two of us. That’s why I told you here.”
Mom came in the front room, got her purse & said “I have to head in to town…I’ll be gone a few hours to the grocery store and I have another appointment with the doctor.”
Dad got up and kissed her, smiling. “Ok hon, just take your time. Sarah and I will take care of everything here.”
We watched her get into the car and drive off then went to the field & got to work.After we’d been there for about 30 minutes clearing the irrigation line I heard a noise in the direction of the house. I looked up seeing a strange car pulling into the driveway and two people get out, a man and a woman. I got dad’s attention and he looked up as the couple walked in our direction.
“Good morning.” the man said, “My name is Robert, this is Amelia and we’re from the First Baptist Church.  We’re just going around to some of the farms here on the outskirts of town to see if you’ve any interest in coming to join us for worship this week.”
“I know you’ve been here for a while now,” Amelia said, “and we weren’t sure if you already had a church home or if you’d be up to trying out our family. Can I ask if you know the Savior?”
Dad smiled at her and said, “Why yes ma’am I do, and so does my daughter here. But I’d be obliged if you’d come in with us for a talk.” They both nodded and smiled as my dad led them to the house.

creepy 20

Back inside I made a pot of coffee as they sat at the kitchen table with dad going over leaflets. I poured 3 mugs full and sat down as they all started to drink.
I listened to their chatter and poured them all more when I noticed the odd look on Robert’s face as he drank slowly.
“The water here gives the coffee a funny aftertaste,” I said. “We boil it first but it doesn’t help much…I’m sorry.”
He assured me it was fine and continued his conversation with my dad as I put away the coffee and washed the empty pot.
I saw Amelia start to stand up and then watched her fall to the floor, trying to catch herself on the chair but she hit it hard. Robert got up fast to help her, too fast though and it happened just as quick for him.
Neither were fully unconscious but completely paralyzed by the strong drugs I’d slipped into their coffee as dad took hold of Robert’s legs and drug him out into the backyard. I went outside and tied a rope around his legs as dad pulled Amelia out and laid her next to him.
Dad tied the rope around her legs as I attached them both to the saddle on our mule Chester. He wasn’t quite as stubborn as most mules so with a little coaxing he pulled them both to the water tank dad used to irrigate the corn. We’d worked all morning to get something constructed that would hold them above the tank. We’d dug supports deep into the ground on both sides and ran a log across the top.  It took all our strength and Chester’s to get them hoisted up and tied upside-down to the top log.
Once they were securely fastened we got off the tank and pulled off the lid. Amelia was starting to struggle but she didn’t have much in her…the drugs I gave her were very strong. It was a combination of muscle relaxers and pain killers that were left over from mom’s surgery 6 months ago. She’d probably wonder what happened to them later but we’d deal with that when the time came. I reached down and picked up the scythe I’d been using to reap the corn and held up to her face.  She’d started to cry.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “but we’re going to lose our farm and this is the only way to save it. The spirits deep in the earth ar thirsty and you’re blood will bring new life to this place.”
At the last word I ran the blade quickly across her throat and watched the blood drain into the water tank. I heard a gurgle from Robert as dad almost decapitated him, watching their blood mingle together. I saw dad put the snath of his scythe into the tank and he looked at me, smiling as I did the same with my own. We mixed it all in as it continued to flow, the color deepening almost to a dark red ochre. Each cut had been made wide and deep, therefore it didn’t take as long as I thought to drain away. When it was done we put the lid back on the tank and lowered the bodies, dad putting them in the trunk of their car before driving it off far into the field. He would dispose of it later.
Back at the farm we opened up all the channels and let the red water flow into the field, soaking into the hard soil surrounding the corn. I stood at the edge and noticed a difference almost immediately, the ground seeming almost softer underneath my bare feet as I walked between the rows. And then I heard the whispers, like they were coming from the corn itself…it was coming back to life. It wouldn’t happen overnight but in a few days the field should be alive with good corn, and a good harvest was sure to come. We wouldn’t have to leave this place, and as I smiled I heard her laughter. She was standing by the tree again, still holding the dripping sickle.
“Was it ok Mel? Did we satisfy the spirits?”
She smiled and the soil began to bloom.
“Don’t ever leave me again Mel, ok?” but she disappeared into the fog.

creepy 4

The Queen of Hell

queen of hell 4

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unrequited reapings

Switch

switch 2

One too many times I have told that stupid bitch to leave me the fuck alone but she won’t listen. The repetetive whining & screaming all day, all night. I can barely get any sleep and I’m so tired.
Little does she know that I have bodies hidden in my basement, and if she knows what’s good for her she’ll shut up before she becomes an addition to my collection.

Finally, a little bit of silence.
But there seems to be no end to the insanity in this place. There’s no one to rely on anywhere, no one I can trust.
I’ve been bullied for so long, pretty much my entire life…all of my self-confidence stripped away and shattered on the floor.
People wonder why I steer clear of crowds, why I don’t go to parties or socialize even at work.
Because every time I meet someone new I’m afraid…afraid of putting myself out there once again and having my heart ripped to pieces. It’s happened over & over & over.
The abuse won’t stop…it’s a never-ending vicious cycle. Years of being told what to do…how, when and where.
By him and everyone else. It’s like I can’t fully let myself go and even attempt to have a normal life. Like I was ever “normal”.
They will all pay. Like the ones before.

My hands are starting to shake because she’s screaming at me again. I feel like I’m being pushed over the edge once more and it’s all her fault.
Stupid cunt.
Sometimes I don’t want to do it but I can’t stop it once it starts. When it sets firmly in my head that it’s going to happen there’s no way out. It’s like a switch going on, everything else just goes dark and it’s all I see…blood & bodies lying everywhere. Nothing else matters after that.
And there it is.

switch 1
That pop…I feel it every time and it’s like a giant rush of energy all at once. And it feels so good…like an orgasm. I start laughing as I quickly walk up to her and smash her face into the corner of the table. I hear the crack of her nose as it hits the heavily varnished wood and imagine it splintering parts of her skull into her brain. Maybe I should try to see if I can dig the pieces out but that would take too long and I can’t stay here. Damn, it was too quick. The force of the blow was enough to kill her. Physically I’m not that strong. Dealing with him for years…he never let me go anywhere. Just wanted me always around at his disposal for anything…he didn’t even care that I’d gotten soft around the edges though I was still attractive enough to warrant his attentions. He was the first to die…and he suffered gloriously for all those years of confinement. We lived in the middle of nowhere and only the slinking creatures that prowled around our dilapidated hovel heard his screams echoing through the night.
It was just one of those things that you hear about on TV sometimes…someone in great distress or urgency finds this inner strength they never knew they had. It was like that every time. It was like I became something inhuman and I reveled in it. I buried him in the basement…there were a few others there now and I’ll dig a fresh hole for her.

It really didn’t matter to her anymore. She didn’t care what anyone else thought about her at all. She was free and could finally do whatever the fuck she wanted.
She didn’t care if she got caught. She was just going to take as many of those bastards down before that happened.
It’s all about revenge, plain and simple. And she felt like she was just getting started.

It was dark…I had to get her back to the basement fast. I didn’t even know how to drive…no one ever taught me so I had to try & teach myself quickly once he was gone. She never taught me and he didn’t want me out of the house. She had assumed he’d ran off with some whore from town & said it wasn’t right for me to be out there by myself so she’d dragged me back to live with her until he came back. He would never come back and I’m not sure what was worse. She had abused me constantly as a child…I was always in the hospital and they even took me away once when I was 10 but she got me back after my brother died. I had gone to live with my aunt & uncle a few miles away and was finally happy, for a little while. But one night a few weeks later they found Mikey on the floor all bloody & bruised with her leaning over him screaming. He was only 4. She tried to claim he fell down the stairs but I didn’t believe her…not after what she had done to me. I hated her so much but they forced me to go back to her. They said it would lessen her grief after losing him. Her grief? What about my grief??? No one gave a shit about me. They never had. But they would now.

switch 3

The Queen of Hell

Queen of Hell 3

unrequited reapings

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http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings

One More Day

just one more day
if I survive
one more day
maybe I can get away
I don’t want to die
I want to live
just one more day

it hurts so bad
every minute
every second
he doesn’t care
he thinks it’s funny

can I make it
one more day
through the pain
the lies
the beatings
the screaming
can I?

I think I can
then he’ll be angry
even more than before
if I make it
just one more day
he’ll just keep trying
then maybe I won’t last
another day
just one more

one more day

The Queen of Hell

Queen of Hell 3

pick up a copy of my new book on Amazon available in paperback and for Kindle

unrequited reapings

http://www.amazon.com/Unrequited-Reapings-Carolyn-Graham/dp/151533645X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441066765&sr=8-1&keywords=Unrequited+reapings